PHOTO CREDIT: Artwork by WK InteractI submit, to you, for your consideration, these amendments to the flying public code of ethics: We are flying upon public, shared, airplanes. Therefore: This is not your families "mini-van, road-trip" in the sky.
1) If your kids shit their pants, mid-flight, go change their dippers in the bathroom provided. It's not for us to have to smell for the next 2 hours straight.
2) A carry-on isn't a full-blown suitcase. If it sticks out of the over-head bin, AT ALL then it's not a carry-on.
3) If you must talk during the flight, please, keep your voices down because believe it or not, your stories aren't all that interesting.
4) Don't talk on the cell-phone, upon landing, until you exit the plane. We shouldn't have to listen to how drunk you got on your vacation, or how horrible your girlfriend is while waiting to get off the damn plane!! I don't think you'll miss your friends coming to pick you up if you just wait a few extra minutes to call them to arrange the meet-up location.
5) My chair is my chair until the flight is over--I paid for it. So, I'd appreciate it if you didn't yank down on it to help lift your fart-laden, ass out of the seat.
6) If you want to listen to music on your headphones, fine, but make sure the volume you keep it at isn’t audible to those trying to sleep or read. The airplane isn't your personal concert in the sky.
7) DON'T STARE AT ME WHILE I'M GETTING ON THE PLANE AND TRYING TO FIND MY SEAT. I'm NOT on a model runway.
8) When bringing food onto the plane, please, avoid anything with onions or garlic.
9) Please, TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU FLY!! And, finally...
10) Don't take your shoes off on the flight--just because you wore uncomfortable shoes onto the plane doesn't mean we have to smell your foot fungus (I had some person's dank, cheesy, sock smell burning in my nostrils even after I got off the flight!!)
-From the fingers of Asylum Patient #5 AKA: Handsome B. Wonderful
7 comments:
HAHA! You crack me up! Hope you had a good flight, otherwise!
You are hilarious and unfortunately right on! The "don't stare at me" one was especially funny/true to me. Gross with the funky feet! I hate commercials/pictures in a magazine/etc that show bare feet. Unless they're baby feet, they're ugly. Period. Yes some look better kempt, but they're all ugly and skanky if they've been trodding the earth more than a few years. Mary
I would add: Just don't take your screaming baby on a plane without medicating her/him with Benadryl or swiftly applying a muzzle to the infant's face when the screaming starts. I CANNOT STAND listening to a kid scream for two hours. It's hell.
Thanks for making me laugh, H.B.W., I really, really needed that today.
Yes!
Handsome B, you are once again, spot on!
I think I threw up a little reading #10. Yuck!
@Deputy's Wife...It was crappy overall but thankfully the ear buds with my Ipod touch saved my ass.
@Mary...Yeah, I'm not much of a feet person either.
@Jen...LOL I love the muzzle comment. Maybe give 'em a wee shot of whiskey LOL
@Sid...yeah, I was gagging. Disgusting!!!
I agree!
Of course you ended with the feet. How can one avoid it?
Please, for you to enjoy from the archives of jenjiworld:
http://jenjiworld.blogspot.com/2008/07/cheese-with-your-whine.html
jenji
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