Thursday, December 20, 2012
It's Christmas!! Or, as I Like to Refer to it, "Alcohol Appreciation Day."
Christmas is upon us, and that can mean only one thing in my family--someone's going to jail. It's kind of a tradition. O.k., so, no one has ever gone to jail but I don't need to kidnap Santa to know what I'm getting for Christmas, a renewal of my subscription to the Handsome B. Wonderful Family Dysfunction newsletter. One of the reasons I loath Christmas so much is because my family usually turns the events around Christmas into a painfully repetitive display of family dysfunction.
My family is so dysfunctional that it's one of the main reasons my wife and I didn't have kids. The last thing I want is to add more poor souls into the toxic soup of my family.
One of the following usually happens in our family around Christmas: fighting, things being broken in rage and threats of violence. By the end, my brain is so shattered from the anarchy that it triggers an episode and I go home. Last Christmas, I ended up curled up in a ball in the dark basement of my parents house crying. So, Merry "Fucking" Christmas, everyone!! Next year, I'm going to push for an outright ban on Christmas for the Handsome B. Wonderful clan.
Holidays are just a scam by the retail industry, in conjunction with the psychologists who see a spike in their clients needs!! Naw, I kid psychiatry but if it wasn't for that science, I'd be worse off than I am. I'm still fragile and sensitive but medications have kept me from hospitalization, so I'm thankful for that much.